Thursday, August 28, 2014

The Killer Author Endorsement

I had a dream the other night that I asked a famous writer for an endorsement. He said he’d be thrilled, “But ask me when you are awake.”
“Great, will you do it then?”
“Probably not.”
Which brought a whole new meaning to the term, In Your Dreams.

After your book is done and into production one of the best ways to give it a bit of a punch is to have an endorsement (comment, blurb, or fawning remark) by a famous/successful writer to place on your cover and in advertising/marketing material. In the trade it’s called the Killer Author Endorsement (KAE).

Every writer and publisher is looking for the KAE. Writing a legal thriller? “Get John Grisham on the line.” That new romance novel,? “What’s Danielle Steel doing today?” That post apocalyptic dystopian manifesto: “Call Suzanne Collins . . . What, she’s not in? . . . Call her bank, she’s got to be there.”

Every writer wants that one line of endorsement copy; it can seriously help the book move up the food chain. Here are some ideas on how to get a quote.

At the next writer’s conference find your target and follow them all day, take photos, write down everything they do, stand next them in the bathroom (or whisper their name in the next stall). Eventually they or the police will ask what you are doing. Tell them honestly that all you need is one short comment about your new book and you will gladly leave them alone. Every thriller author will understand your meaning and will do anything to get you gone.

Kidnap them – it work for Stephen King in Misery. Hold off on the leg breaking until its absolutely necessary.

Send them the complete Jessica Fletcher Murder She Wrote collection of DVDs. The note should read: I need that line, if not I will have Amazon send you Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman; Diagnosis: Murder; Matlock; and the complete Quincy series. I think by the time Diagnosis arrives you will get that KAE.

Anonymously invite the author to a speed-dating event. When you get your turn, tell them you are an old classmate and that you know what happened that night with Bob, the football coach. You have pictures, but for one short sentence you will send the negatives to them (works for only photos shot before about 2004).

Send them flowers everyday for a week, with notes that say you will love them forever if they just write that KAE for you new novel. Note any allergies or flower preferences from their Facebook page.

Science Fiction/Dystopian
This one is easy. Go back in time to when the target was five or six, place a small tattoo somewhere where only you know where it is. Now contact them and tell them that you know their secret and will blab to the world about that small rude mark they have been keeping from the world. Only a KAE will save them from total embarrassment.

Tell them that you have created a world where they are the absolute ruler of a whole planetary system. You will put their name on the cover if they will kindly write that fawning remark. Something like: Hugh Howey’s Fractured Planet. They might even give you the line to have you not name the book after them.

Or you can write their publisher, agent, or even the author themselves and ask real nice.

More Later . . . . . . . . .

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